why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
