My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
