i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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