Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My feet surprised me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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