Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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