you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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