She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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