Buhtt sex?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
