I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
