you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
