Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
