I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
