Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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