It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
