I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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