My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
