before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
