Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
