I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
