I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
