went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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