I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
