and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
