We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
