god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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