I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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