Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
