I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
