Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
