Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
