Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
