Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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