Kiss
Puke
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
