im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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