remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
