I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
