I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
