haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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