when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
