Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
