so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
