So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
