Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Houston, we have a squirter
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
