god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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