I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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