i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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