If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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