dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
