Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
