sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
