Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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