my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
