apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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