There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
