Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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