Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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