Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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